Food for Thought: Modeling Healthy Eating Patterns

Follow our series on the who, what, where, when, and how of feeding our children of all ages!

Our Readers Ask:

My daughter is nine months old, and soon she will be ready to eat exclusively solid foods. I am feeling extremely anxious about this transition, and about her subsequent eating patterns. I struggled with an eating disorder for many years, and while I'm working on my own issues, I'm terrified of unwittingly imposing food and body anxieties onto my daughter. It seems like there are so many extreme perspectives on how children should eat and so much judgment from other parents. Even reading some of the online parenting forums on food are sometimes enough to trigger my old negative thoughts. How can I make sure she is getting the nutrition she needs without making her (and myself) anxious about food?

 First of all, kudos to you for making an effort to untangle your own anxiety from your daughter's needs. So much of the judgment that you so acutely experience stems from the fact that not many adults make this same effort, and ultimately project their own health concerns onto their children. Unless they have witnessed adults expressing anxiety about fat, sugar, and gluten, or whether their thighs are too big or their belly is too round, children do not naturally express the same fears. So one of the most important things you can do to help your daughter eat healthfully and enjoy food is to maintain this separation between you and her. If you're having negative feelings about your body, don't verbalize them in front of her. Try not to talk about food and eating in terms of vice and virtue; eating and loving vegetables doesn't make you "good," nor does eating a lot of cookies at a party make you "bad." And if you do notice yourself starting to slip back into some of your old thoughts or behaviors, have patience and compassion for yourself, so that you can be patient and compassionate with your daughter, and allow her to cultivate these same qualities. 

You will help yourself and your daughter best by demonstrating that balance and variety are healthier than extremes. From the moment you put your little girl in her highchair, it's a good idea to also have an overview that you intend to make it easy and comfortable for her to enjoy a wide range of foods, identifying her favorite things to eat but also being open to trying new tastes and textures. It is even more important when serving her to offer small amounts at a time. This way if she wants more, she can ask for it and learn what fullness means to her- "to her" being the operative term here. As long as she is eating something, it is her prerogative to decide how much or how little of it she wants to eat. This is true of all food groups, including and especially desserts. Prohibiting desserts or using them as a bargaining tool ("I'll get you ice cream if you behave at the store") gives desserts power, and causes children to fixate on them. If you allow your daughter to enjoy desserts in small amounts after her lunches and dinners, she will learn that it is totally possible, and even normal and healthy, to enjoy a treat without losing control. Keep in mind that "dessert," like any other food group, should vary- it can mean anything from fruit, ice cream, cookies and cake. (The French even enjoy fruit and cheese as a dessert!) 

This is a valuable lesson to learn while she is young. You must trust your daughter's awareness of her appetite and her ability to regulate it. Don't comment on how much she eats, and if other family members or friends say anything to that effect, shoot them down by firmly saying something like, "She knows when she's had enough," and then changing the subject. If she can sense that other people (especially you) are having anxiety about her eating, she in turn will develop anxiety about eating.

Let us reiterate that children are much more likely to develop eating disorders in homes where there is a culture of deprivation and food as punishment or reward, and where food is endowed with loaded social and emotional value.  

-- Dr. S & Dr. G

Food for Thought: How to Handle a Picky Eater

Our Readers Ask:

My 4-year-old son's picky eating habits are driving me slowly insane. On a good day, he will eat three things, usually of the white toast with butter, chicken nugget, and plain noodles variety. The only exception, of course, is for desserts. If I try to add any vegetables to his meals or God forbid substitute brown rice for white, he will scream bloody murder. I end up feeling really frustrated when I've put in the time to prepare a balanced meal for the whole family and it results in a battle of wills with the 4-year-old until I finally relent and make him something else. How can I get him to eat new things? Aside from being concerned that he's not getting enough vital nutrients, I don't want him to be a 30-year-old who only eats chicken nuggets.

Let us assure you that some degree of neophobia, literally a fear of novel things, is completely normal and even adaptive in toddlerhood. Whether or not your son will become interested in expanding his palate actually depends largely on your reactions to his eating and to food in general. The most salient happy memories of family mealtimes have more to do with the atmosphere at the table than what food is being served.  It is difficult for a child to develop positive associations with food when he repeatedly experiences mealtimes as a source of conflict and anxiety. To that end, before you start implementing strategies, take a look at your own behaviors and perceptions during these strained interactions.